A wave and a kiss

It's easy to notice when things begin, but so hard to tell when and where they end. We make a big deal about first words, we remember the first time, the spark of new things, the cutting of red ribbons, and the tentative step forward. All of it is etched in our memory as a definitive start. But endings are often frayed and ambiguous. They slip in quietly, during pauses, and catch us off guard.

On the Road, George Seurat, 1881

The End, despite its gravitas, is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be emotionally quite exhausting. Relief, anger, sadness, joy, regret, guilt, and hope, all tend to get mixed up and messy. It's hard to process these complex emotions together, which is why perhaps we invented goodbye - a uniquely human cultural phenomenon. We say goodbye to cope with endings.

Man Smoking a Pipe, Bar Counter - Maurice de Vlaminck, 1900

Animals don't bother with niceties like this. I used to live with a cat many years ago. We had an unspoken arrangement where she’d come and go without any demands or much fuss. She’d hunt in the garden, birth her kittens on the terrace and sharpen her claws on my door. When she was in a good mood she’d lean against my leg and lick my fingers. And when she’d had enough of me, she would yawn, and unceremoniously walk away. I never knew if she was coming back. There were no goodbyes, ever.

Gaudeamus,Theophile Steinlen, 1890

Cats don't need help to navigate transitions, but we do - to leave a room, a person, a job, a place, a life. All of it needs closure, else too many things would simply pass unnoticed, unfinished. Farewell rituals are practised across the world to acknowledge and make sense of change. And so we mark our departure with a wave, a kiss, touching of feet, a deep bow, a party, a prayer, a spoon of curd, one last emoji and sometimes a long, long text.

Bos, Jacoba van Heemskerck,1912

But every now and then I wonder if it would be easier without all the fuss and formalities. We tend to linger, and 'doth think too much'. The cat has no need for these elaborate endings. She just flicks her tail and walks away.